New

Was up before the crack of dawn this morning.  Likely earlier than that if you count my previous 5 awakenings.  Couldn't sleep so grabbed the runners and away I went.  Me, my tunes and a sleepy city just getting started.  Walked the neighbourhood.  It's actually a nice spot.  I had no idea the communitiy existed!

Note the 5 awakenings throughout the night.  Why?  Well that's a good question and one I believe I know the answer to, but have yet to admit.  In previous posts I've mentioned being alone and then in a subsequent post how much I like to be touched - it's the little things.  Well, one cannot exist with the other.  (Alright, I suppose it can, but it's just not the same!) 

So, what's acceptable and what isn't? 
How much can you have of another person and still be alone? 
Should you avoid something that feels good even though others warn you and maybe somewhere in your own head there's a voice telling you the same? 
If you have something with one person, is it right to take something of someone else? 
How much time spent with one person without a firm commitment is too much? 
How can you expect something of someone else when you aren't willing to expect the same from yourself?
How do you know what's out there if you don't put yourself out there?
And how do you know you aren't passing something up you shouldn't be for something that isn't there?


It's quite apparent I need more sleep....

Vacant stuff...with a little personal on the side.

Another beautifuil weekend passes.  Are they ever long enough?

Went rafting with a bunch of new peeps.  All great people.  We had a great time!  (OK, so I can't speak for them, only myself, but still...)  Seriously, how can you go wrong with camping, volleyball, swimming, games, dancing, beer, rafting and tons of laughs? 

A good friend has always said "You can't beat fun for a good time!"  Simple, sort of, yet so true!

Slowly getting settled into the condo.  Honestly, I need more hours in the day.  Actually, that's not true.  There are plenty of hours and if I had my priorities different I am certain I could find more time.  But really, it's summer and there's volleyball and softball to be played!  The season is too short as it is!  I can always find time for playing house later.  Besides, does one really need furniture to eat off of if all you have in your fridge/cupboards is beer, water and coffee?

Was actually pretty proud of myself...Furniture arrived on Friday morning - disassembled!!  It took me a little while, but I managed to get my bed together!!  I only had a few extra screws.  It has passed the one night's sleep test and so far so good!  OK, so it was just me and it didn't really get a workout but hey - I didn't end up on the floor! ;)

I've learned I am a person who likes to be touched.  I mean, I like hugs and human contact.  A hand on a thigh, in the small of my back; a finger lightly caressing sides; hands gently intertwined.... It's not much, but it makes me feel alive, and lets both of us know we're there.

Randoms

It's an absolutely gorgeous day out there!!  Wishing I was soaking it up instead of inside my fish bowl.

A friend has been recently diagnosed with 6th nerve palsy.  She has double vision and can't drive.  She is awaiting an MRI.  I'm heading across town to pick her up for lunch.  She loves sushi and hasn't been able to get out seeing double and all that.  That's just the kind of friend I am!

Today is one of those 'mischievous' days.  I get these often.  Where I find myself with a little smirk on my face and a twinkle in my eye.  I don't know where this comes from.  But I like it!!

And energy!?!?  Where is this coming from??  I haven't slept well in weeks but yet I feel like the Energizer bunny!  Today I'm sparing vball back to back.  Bring it on!

Stephie out!

Starting to believe? I'd say. Jumped in with both feet. Thankfully, so far they are firmly planted.

Experiencing the first of what I believe will be many. In the last 15 years I've been on my own - alone - a total of less than 4 months. Always with another voice there telling me who I was. Who I should be.

The silence is deafening yet peaceful and calm all at the same time.

I'd say "go figure". But I know. It's why I'm here.

Risk

I'm new...bear with me.

An anonymous piece of work I read many, many years ago and I still remember profoundly today...

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach for another is to risk involvement.
To expose your ideas, your dreams,
before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To believe is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the
greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The people who risk nothing, do nothing,
have nothing, are nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they cannot learn, feel, change,
grow, love, live.
Chained by their attitudes they are slaves;
they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.

------
Perhaps the beginning of truly believing.